15 October 2010

I wouldn't care if ...

A (fictionalized) client says:
I noticed my self-talk, just like you had suggested to me.  So, I found it hard to get out of bed this morning, as I always do, setpping out onto the cold floor.  And I found myself saying to myself 'I wouldn't care if ... my husband came back to me'.  And then I found myself thinking about that.  If he came back to me - I wouldn't care.  He is my protection from caring.  That's what he was to me.  I didn't really love him at all.
I think she did not desire her husband.  Rather, her husband protected her from desire.  What did she really desire?  As Lacan might say, she desires more desire.  But somehow that was too dangerous for her.  Perhaps too dangerous for many of us?